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He's constantly looking for the meaning of life. There were times when he thought he already found the answer but he's starting to feel like it wouldn't happen anymore...not in this lifetime anyway. He believes that everyone's given two loves of their life and that he'd spent the first one quite unwisely...felt guilty about it and paid for it. He wants it clear that he's not bitter...well, not anymore. He waits for 'that dawn' to reveal itself along with the second chance and give his all even if it is in vain.

He means to end his life at 35, if fate doesn't take him away first. He has this bizarre idea that life is an expression of cowardice, in humans anyway. He wonders if he'd ever find the courage not to live this life.

But then, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's not enjoying life. He loves to live, especially when life is full of meaning. It's just that he's ultimately restless about living and death is the only thing that can take away that restlessness.

He wants to change the world.